Phraseology: "BAE"

Dear Readers

Welcome once again to

In today’s episode, we are going to dive into the lexicology and linguistics behind “BAE”, and who better to tackle that task than your friendly neighbourhood lothario. Thus with the unexpected chorus of a thousand distant laughs providing a suitable theme song, let us begin the second installment of Phraseology.

To all my Danish readers, I know you Danes are in my demographic, even though you tend to hide from me; before you recoil in disgust and click the big cross on your browser, or for some reason get excited and aroused, you horrid, sick, unhygienic pervert….This is not a scatological expose, despite that some might argue that my entire blog is one. “Naysayers gonna Nay, Nay” as they say. They don’t say that? Are you certain that you’re not a Naysayer yourself? That’s what I thought.

You know dat shit badass!

The phrase "before anyone/anything else" or "BAE"(not to be mistaken with the Danish word for bowel movements) as the acronym loving slang-setters have made viral, primarily through memes, has been haunting the internet and my 9gag feed for well over a decade.

On the same note though, it is beyond me why, out of the thousands of endearing terms by which you could affectionately address your loved one, you would pick something that in another language, literally, means turd. It’s practically bordering on passive-aggressive behaviour.   

 

Whilst it is controversial whether "Bae", the acronym, is just a “romanticized” version of what is really, a simplification of the word babe.... I hope and argue that we aren't Neanderthals who would be compelled to shorten a four-letter word into a three-letter word ...for acquiescing to the latter would be to accept my greatest fear of a regressive futuristic stone age where we communicate in grunts and moans.....that is not the sort of rock and roll revival I want. 

Imagine you are out with your girlfriend, let's call her Felicia, and...Pardon? Felicia is a disrespectful noun? It's synonymous with a female Canis familiaris? How did this happen? Coined by Sir Ice Cube? Oh that's fine then. 
 

 

So, as I was saying, you are out with your significant other...it's been a pleasant day, or so your Snapchat, Instagram and Facebook would have other people believe. Birds are chirping, the sun is shining and the pumpkin spice latte that you got, tastes amazing, or so your favourite coffee shop's marketing would have you believe. 

 
Hand in hand, with your "BAE", you find yourselves at a pedestrian crossing about to cross. Why did “BAE” want to cross the road? To hopefully get a new brain from the other side. Whilst you're waiting for the walk sign with the stick figure to start flashing, a woman comes rushing up next you, trips and starts falling onto the road. You notice she is pregnant, holding a baby in one hand and a puppy pug in the other; which causes you to muse about how pugs and babies look quite similar.




You also notice that you can intervene and stop this lady essentially falling onto the tarmac and to her death, by vehicular manslaughter. 
However, simultaneously, you feel a tap on your shoulder. You turn to see that it’s your "BAE", asking you to hold her latte while she takes a selfie of herself. 

Time slows, as you start deliberating....you want to intervene and pull the pregnant woman away from the oncoming traffic, thus saving not only her, but her cute chubby baby and her cute chubby pug from an untimely demise. However you did make a commitment stating that your girlfriend, comes before anything and anyone else......you take the pumpkin spice latte whilst the blood of multiple bodies being crushed/run over spatters onto your hipster cardigan. 

Congratulations! You are the most hated person on the planet.  

The point I try to make from this overly dramatic and nigh implausible scenario, is the dilemma with words and communication. Whilst it is a blessing that we’ve moved on from the Victorian age of restriction, particularly in the form of language etiquette, we’ve brought about an age where literature, conversations, etc. are tragically a compilation of meaningless catch phrases….said and written without any thought of consequence.  

So the next time you use the phrase “BAE” make sure you understand the gravity of what you’re saying. True and utter devotion to a single being/thing over all else. Or better yet, don’t say it at all.

My earnest hope is that people know how to properly use language to communicate/convey what they mean, and I hope that this series can contribute towards this aspiration in whatever little way it can.

That is key. That comes BAE.                                                              

                    

I would suggest overt indoctrination but we all know how that usually ends...and I’d rather not die in a blazing inferno, thank you very much.

Deuces!  

 

Digging Up Diamonds: The 3rd Rock from the Sun

Dear Readers 

Welcome to the to the first ever installment of Digging up Diamonds. 

I didn’t have to dig deep to find today’s gem of a TV show pertinently and poetically phrased 3^rd Rock from the sun.  Now I know you might say that this is quite a popular serial but sadly it is unheard of amongst our current generation and that is an injustice I must seek to right.

 3^rd rock,as it is lazily referred to as, is a sitcom about a group of alien explorers that have come to earth (the 3^rd rock from the sun) and disguised themselves to blend in amongst us and observe humanity.

Their short assignment becomes extended as they soon find themselves not only liking their own meat suits but the ones around them as well.  

 Now that the premise is set let me tell you what the show actually is.
It is an amalgam of science fiction and comedic genius with an anthropological overtone that makes us stop and think about how silly we all really are.
It is a coming of age story relatable to all ages; Encompassing topics such as sexuality, stereotypes,gender equality, self-identity, fitting in, addiction, family and life itself.
It is the quintessence of romance as by the ill timed end of the show you will have fallen in love with every character that you meet on their journey.
Strap yourselves in for a maelstrom of emotions where you’ll be shedding tears, laughing out loud, screaming at the screen with frustration and anger or just dancing because you’re  happy.

The novel ingenuity of the directors coupled with a demiurgic script and the passion, the talent and the chemistry the cast bring to their roles make this the perfect polygamous marriage between director, actor and author. The show won countless awards, beating out the infamous “Friends” series on many an occasion.

If you haven’t watched 3^rd rock I suggest you do so immediately. I mean it. Right now. Go. Stop whatever it is that you are doing; blow off study or just quit work. Give your stereotypically autocratic boss the bird or perhaps even ask him to join you in watching the TV show because it is way more life changing than your jobs ever were. Go on Netflix or YouTube, what have you, and correct this colossal flaw of yours. 

Trust me when I say that it will be an out of this world experience for you, with an introspective twist.

That I can guarantee.  

Disclaimer: Although the article above is irresistibly persuasive, I advise you not to forego real life responsibilities just for the sake of watching a TV show. Follow a proper code of conduct, stay in school and don’t do drugs. But it is your life after all and the decisions you make are yours alone. I am not the king of you nor do I claim to be.  

Post Scriptum:  Apologies are in order. I’m sorry that my schedule’s been off to say the least what with work, my social life and a lot of unexpected deaths (as is their disposition) in the family. 

I apologise on behalf of humanity, its nature and norms.