Phraseology: "BAE"

Dear Readers

Welcome once again to

In today’s episode, we are going to dive into the lexicology and linguistics behind “BAE”, and who better to tackle that task than your friendly neighbourhood lothario. Thus with the unexpected chorus of a thousand distant laughs providing a suitable theme song, let us begin the second installment of Phraseology.

To all my Danish readers, I know you Danes are in my demographic, even though you tend to hide from me; before you recoil in disgust and click the big cross on your browser, or for some reason get excited and aroused, you horrid, sick, unhygienic pervert….This is not a scatological expose, despite that some might argue that my entire blog is one. “Naysayers gonna Nay, Nay” as they say. They don’t say that? Are you certain that you’re not a Naysayer yourself? That’s what I thought.

You know dat shit badass!

The phrase "before anyone/anything else" or "BAE"(not to be mistaken with the Danish word for bowel movements) as the acronym loving slang-setters have made viral, primarily through memes, has been haunting the internet and my 9gag feed for well over a decade.

On the same note though, it is beyond me why, out of the thousands of endearing terms by which you could affectionately address your loved one, you would pick something that in another language, literally, means turd. It’s practically bordering on passive-aggressive behaviour.   

 

Whilst it is controversial whether "Bae", the acronym, is just a “romanticized” version of what is really, a simplification of the word babe.... I hope and argue that we aren't Neanderthals who would be compelled to shorten a four-letter word into a three-letter word ...for acquiescing to the latter would be to accept my greatest fear of a regressive futuristic stone age where we communicate in grunts and moans.....that is not the sort of rock and roll revival I want. 

Imagine you are out with your girlfriend, let's call her Felicia, and...Pardon? Felicia is a disrespectful noun? It's synonymous with a female Canis familiaris? How did this happen? Coined by Sir Ice Cube? Oh that's fine then. 
 

 

So, as I was saying, you are out with your significant other...it's been a pleasant day, or so your Snapchat, Instagram and Facebook would have other people believe. Birds are chirping, the sun is shining and the pumpkin spice latte that you got, tastes amazing, or so your favourite coffee shop's marketing would have you believe. 

 
Hand in hand, with your "BAE", you find yourselves at a pedestrian crossing about to cross. Why did “BAE” want to cross the road? To hopefully get a new brain from the other side. Whilst you're waiting for the walk sign with the stick figure to start flashing, a woman comes rushing up next you, trips and starts falling onto the road. You notice she is pregnant, holding a baby in one hand and a puppy pug in the other; which causes you to muse about how pugs and babies look quite similar.




You also notice that you can intervene and stop this lady essentially falling onto the tarmac and to her death, by vehicular manslaughter. 
However, simultaneously, you feel a tap on your shoulder. You turn to see that it’s your "BAE", asking you to hold her latte while she takes a selfie of herself. 

Time slows, as you start deliberating....you want to intervene and pull the pregnant woman away from the oncoming traffic, thus saving not only her, but her cute chubby baby and her cute chubby pug from an untimely demise. However you did make a commitment stating that your girlfriend, comes before anything and anyone else......you take the pumpkin spice latte whilst the blood of multiple bodies being crushed/run over spatters onto your hipster cardigan. 

Congratulations! You are the most hated person on the planet.  

The point I try to make from this overly dramatic and nigh implausible scenario, is the dilemma with words and communication. Whilst it is a blessing that we’ve moved on from the Victorian age of restriction, particularly in the form of language etiquette, we’ve brought about an age where literature, conversations, etc. are tragically a compilation of meaningless catch phrases….said and written without any thought of consequence.  

So the next time you use the phrase “BAE” make sure you understand the gravity of what you’re saying. True and utter devotion to a single being/thing over all else. Or better yet, don’t say it at all.

My earnest hope is that people know how to properly use language to communicate/convey what they mean, and I hope that this series can contribute towards this aspiration in whatever little way it can.

That is key. That comes BAE.                                                              

                    

I would suggest overt indoctrination but we all know how that usually ends...and I’d rather not die in a blazing inferno, thank you very much.

Deuces!  

 

Phraseology: "Calling Shotgun"

Dear readers

Welcome to first installment of

It is in human nature to take for granted the things we use, the people we associate, and the phrases we say. Too long have we tossed around words like “sorry”, “love” and “mazletov” without giving a single thought to the weight the carry. 

But it is one particular phrase, impenitently caterwauled by every dense jock, dumb blonde and dim frat boy, which we have chosen to enlighten the populace about this day. 

That notorious phrase is “Calling Shotgun”

It infuriates me when I see the dull gleam in some ignoramus’ eye, froth forming around its mouth as it enthusiastically blabbers out these words with glee, utterly oblivious to the severity of the charge it has undertaken. 

Before my rage envelopes me and I start to introduce these dullards to my little friend (and I don’t mean my genitalia), let us delve into the origins of this infamous phrase.

Traversing the perilous routes of the Wild Dusty Old West was a testing task for any traveler stricken with wanderlust. Dangers lurked at every turn in the form of the elements, disease, beasts and especially man himself.

 Bandits stalked the roads preying, on merchants, traders and carriages of all sort, at gunpoint. Protection became a desperate necessity for all voyages. The only solution present to the common folk was to fight fire with fire, or in this case buckshot with buckshot. By the late 19^th century every station wagon carrying precious cargo had a guard, armed with a 12 gauge shotgun. Thus was coined the expression “Shotgun messenger”. The responsibilities and risk that comes with assuming this highly hazardous position next to the driver will make most of us think twice before squabbling over it again. 

Imagine it’s the late 18 hundreds and our leading man, the proverbial moronic man-child, is giddy at his claimed station. A shotgun in his hand and stupid smile plastered to his face. His head bobs gaily along to the rhythm of the cart now making its way along a dirt path. Its consignment, a strongbox full of gold. He gazes naively at a cloud of dust rapidly approaching the carriage. He’s too daft and it’s too late when he realizes that it’s a posse of outlaws that bears down at them. Soiling his breeches he fumbles at the shotgun. Too daft, too late. A volley of bullets rains down upon them and his body is soon as hollowed out as his head was. Such was life in the merciless plains of untamed America. 

Keen instinct, marksmanship, navigation, general combat readiness and balls of steel are all vital skills that a man assuming the position of shotgun should possess, something that our protagonist sadly didn’t.

Fortuitously in this day and age, uttering the phrase equates to good seating and a better view but what you may not know is that even today this role comes with certain duties. To clarify I shall now read to you some excerpts from the “manual of riding shotgun”.

~ The responsibility of morale falls into your lap (figuratively, you need not give them any sexual gratification. If they badger you about your new found position,you may retort with phrases such as  “you snooze you lose”and“stop whining you mummy’s boy” )  

~ You are in charge of the entertainment of the vehicle, be it selecting the appropriate genre of music, changing the radio channel, or the song, etc (Only an executive decision by the owner of the car or the driver may overrule your decision.Other passengers can go to hell if they don’t like “I would walk 500 miles” by the Proclaimers). 

~ Aiding the driver in the navigation of the vehicle is another task you must undertake (Within limits of course. A rush of contradicting information may disorient the driver. Worst case scenario you are arguing with Siri, the Car’s GPS and the self-appointed backseat drivers. The driver is so overwhelmed that he decides to turn the car around and go back home….no one’s eating Nando’s tonight) 

~ One must also alert the driver of his surroundings in the case of danger. (Worst case scenario everyone in the car is engrossed in a controversial debate, the topic in argument “boxers or briefs”; whilst you are all nodding your heads to the rhythm of “what is love, baby don’t hurt me”. Before you can say “Bob’s your uncle who has a venereal fungal…disease” the vehicle runs over a cute puppy…you and the driver are officially the most hated people in the entire world)

~ Hatred and loathing are left outside the vehicle door. Once assuming position, you and the driver are the best of friends. (You are the Samwise Gamgee to the driver’s Frodo Baggins. You are the C3PO to the driver’s R2D2. The Spock to the Driver’s Kirk. The Watson to the driver’s Sherlock. The Sancho Panza to the driver’s Don Quixote. The Chandler to the driver’s Joey. The Tina Fey to the driver’s Amy Poehler. The Seth Rogen to the driver’s James Franco).

Those were only a few lines off the book “the manual of riding shotgun” which is available on the person of every dicey looking stranger, in every dark and dank corner, near you.

Please feel free to share this article with those annoying acquaintances who at every opportunity take it upon themselves to call shotgun.

I hope we all learnt something from the opening episode of phraseology. I learnt that trivial phrases such as “calling shotgun” really aren’t worth getting irked by.

But tune in next time where, in a complete shift in direction and tone, we’ll be answering the most serious question ever to be conceptualized. 

“What is life?”    

Cheers

Disclaimer:
May contain graphic and violent imaginary cues.
Venturing into dark dank corners maybe hazardous to your health and mortality.
I neither approve nor condone stereotyping. Stereotypes bad. Equality good. Don’t believe me,click me! 

  

Image sources:
http://www.gettyimages.com/detail/news-photo/initial-letter-p-illustration-from-dresses-and-decorations-news-photo/463951365
http://www.howdesign.com/design-competition-galleries/logo-design-awards/4th-annual-logo-design-award-winners/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Riding_shotgun#mediaviewer/File:Indians_Attacking_a_Stage-Coach_BAH-p243.png
http://starsunflowerstudio.blogspot.com/2014/03/gorgeous-free-vintage-frame-borders-and.html
http://www.sitachairs.com/