Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Phraseology: "BAE"

Dear Readers

Welcome once again to

In today’s episode, we are going to dive into the lexicology and linguistics behind “BAE”, and who better to tackle that task than your friendly neighbourhood lothario. Thus with the unexpected chorus of a thousand distant laughs providing a suitable theme song, let us begin the second installment of Phraseology.

To all my Danish readers, I know you Danes are in my demographic, even though you tend to hide from me; before you recoil in disgust and click the big cross on your browser, or for some reason get excited and aroused, you horrid, sick, unhygienic pervert….This is not a scatological expose, despite that some might argue that my entire blog is one. “Naysayers gonna Nay, Nay” as they say. They don’t say that? Are you certain that you’re not a Naysayer yourself? That’s what I thought.

You know dat shit badass!

The phrase "before anyone/anything else" or "BAE"(not to be mistaken with the Danish word for bowel movements) as the acronym loving slang-setters have made viral, primarily through memes, has been haunting the internet and my 9gag feed for well over a decade.

On the same note though, it is beyond me why, out of the thousands of endearing terms by which you could affectionately address your loved one, you would pick something that in another language, literally, means turd. It’s practically bordering on passive-aggressive behaviour.   


Whilst it is controversial whether "Bae", the acronym, is just a “romanticized” version of what is really, a simplification of the word babe.... I hope and argue that we aren't Neanderthals who would be compelled to shorten a four-letter word into a three-letter word ...for acquiescing to the latter would be to accept my greatest fear of a regressive futuristic stone age where we communicate in grunts and moans.....that is not the sort of rock and roll revival I want. 

Imagine you are out with your girlfriend, let's call her Felicia, and...Pardon? Felicia is a disrespectful noun? It's synonymous with a female Canis familiaris? How did this happen? Coined by Sir Ice Cube? Oh that's fine then. 

So, as I was saying, you are out with your significant's been a pleasant day, or so your Snapchat, Instagram and Facebook would have other people believe. Birds are chirping, the sun is shining and the pumpkin spice latte that you got, tastes amazing, or so your favourite coffee shop's marketing would have you believe. 

Hand in hand, with your "BAE", you find yourselves at a pedestrian crossing about to cross. Why did “BAE” want to cross the road? To hopefully get a new brain from the other side. Whilst you're waiting for the walk sign with the stick figure to start flashing, a woman comes rushing up next you, trips and starts falling onto the road. You notice she is pregnant, holding a baby in one hand and a puppy pug in the other; which causes you to muse about how pugs and babies look quite similar.

You also notice that you can intervene and stop this lady essentially falling onto the tarmac and to her death, by vehicular manslaughter. 

However, simultaneously, you feel a tap on your shoulder. You turn to see that it’s your "BAE", asking you to hold her latte while she takes a selfie of herself. 

Time slows, as you start want to intervene and pull the pregnant woman away from the oncoming traffic, thus saving not only her, but her cute chubby baby and her cute chubby pug from an untimely demise. However you did make a commitment stating that your girlfriend, comes before anything and anyone take the pumpkin spice latte whilst the blood of multiple bodies being crushed/run over spatters onto your hipster cardigan. 

Congratulations! You are the most hated person on the planet.  

The point I try to make from this overly dramatic and nigh implausible scenario, is the dilemma with words and communication. Whilst it is a blessing that we’ve moved on from the Victorian age of restriction, particularly in the form of language etiquette, we’ve brought about an age where literature, conversations, etc. are tragically a compilation of meaningless catch phrases….said and written without any thought of consequence.  

So the next time you use the phrase “BAE” make sure you understand the gravity of what you’re saying. True and utter devotion to a single being/thing over all else. Or better yet, don’t say it at all.

My earnest hope is that people know how to properly use language to communicate/convey what they mean, and I hope that this series can contribute towards this aspiration in whatever little way it can.

That is key. That comes BAE.                                                              

I would suggest overt indoctrination but we all know how that usually ends...and I’d rather not die in a blazing inferno, thank you very much.


Tuesday, September 6, 2016

The Kaepernick Conundrum

Dear readers 

It would seem of late that everywhere my eyes would glance, I see memes, posts, articles and overall controversy surrounding some National Football League player by the name of Colin Kaepernick.

This gentleman apparently sat during the American national anthem in protest of the, recently media spotlight awarded, police brutality and systemic racism against people with eumelanin in their skin; the action of which was met with outrage, outburst and ended spiraling out of proportion. 

The majority of the public accused the young man of being unpatriotic, disrespectful and pretentious, as he himself was a well-to-do chap, adopted by white parents, and has no notion of the oppression faced by the black community. Now are there a great number of things far more important than a man sitting during the singing of a song? Hell yes! But I thought meh….why not jump into the middle of this overblown media maelstrom to discuss some important issues; and in the process resolve this controversy. 

Before nationality, skin tone or religious inclinations I am first and foremost human, and I assume those of you reading this are too, unless you are the extra-terrestrials that have been trying to contact us from the Hercules constellation, in which case I say “Hello! Thank you for contacting us despite the fact that we look and sound like imbeciles” Wait, Wait I’m receiving a message from SETI. What was that? It was a Russian interference signal?  Damn you Russia!  Explain to me your compulsion to always interfere and fuck things up! A pissing contest against the tyranny of the NATO? Oh that’s fine then, carry on.

Pardon the tangent….. Distractions are something that will come up again before this article is done. But to continue; I am human and as a human I see the suffering of other humans, thus I am empathetic regardless of nationality, financial status, upbringing or faith, mine or otherwise. 

I didn’t get the memo that one can’t help another unless one has undergone the same tribulation . If there is any logic to this, much like the “vine-famously” abrupt WWE superstar John Cena, I can’t see it. 

Was it however disrespectful and unpatriotic of him to sit during the singing of the national anthem, a symbol that represents, the strife and struggle of the brave and “free” revolutionaries who fought to gain independence, the sacrifice of the men and women who gave up their lives to protect the United States from its enemies?

Let me afford some perspective. It is far less disrespectful and unpatriotic than sending in soldiers to wars for political and profiteering agendas. It is far less disrespectful and unpatriotic than the improper rehabilitation and sometimes outright ill treatment of the veterans that have returned, after sacrificing life and limb for causes they thought were for the betterment of the nation. 

But I personally have a bias towards being unpatriotic since this country was built upon the blood and bones of natives, not to mention the sweat and suffering of slaves and as a means to evade taxation more than monarchy.  But the past although must not be forgotten should also not be dwelled upon to a fault. 

This brings us to the issue that Colin Kaepernick fights for by sitting down. Racial discrimination specifically surrounding police brutality, which means we have to dig into the dirty segregation and marginalization of racial statistics. 

-Population distribution by race: The 2015 census states that the population of African Americans is 13.3% and the White population (excluding the Latinos and Hispanics who constitute to 17%) amounts to 61.6%

- Incarceration and Crime: According to the FBI Uniform Crime Report of 2014, the number of black offences accounted to, approximately, 28.7% of the total criminal infractions reported even though they constituted only 13.3 % of the population. 

It gets more jarring as the report shows that 49.4% of Murder and Non-negligent manslaughter offences were attributed to the black population whilst 48.2 % were said to be committed by white people, a figure when the population was normalized would mean that over 90% of the black community was responsible for Murder. 

Further analysis of this data indicates that a black person is five times more likely to be incarcerated by the law than a white person

-Punishment: Adding more fuel to this the racial disparity, a study conducted by the US department of Justice, from 2005-2012, Black criminals received 10% more longer sentences than whites for the same crime

- Police Brutality: A compilation of reports gathered show that the total number of cop killings in 2015 was 1307 and according to an open source research agency almost half of this figure were citizens of colour. We’re still a quarter away from the end of the year and the last recorded number of law enforcement killings in 2016 was 790.  In contrast the number of officers killed by gunfire in 2015 is 42. 

- Shootings and ethnicity: The extensive use of force by the police is determined by several factors, the most important of which is whether the suspect is armed or not. However, according to a 2015 research paper by one Cody T. Ross, the extensive use of force by police, to the point of opening fire, was largely unaffected by the suspect being armed or not when the suspect in question was African American, in comparison to the significant impact it had when the suspect was white.

The figures state that the likelihood of a black person being shot by the police was three times more than the probability of a white person being shot.  

-Accountability and indictment:  Of the officers responsible for the afore mentioned killings, only 3% of them were held accountable and were indicted, and less than 1% were convicted.

Even after giving leeway to factors including, background, location, association, psychology and other bias, these statistics are still shocking, and proof, that despite the Civil rights act, and the issuing of the Guidance Regarding the Use of Race by Federal Law Enforcement Agencies which made racial profiling illegal, systemic racism, discrimination and police brutality still prevails to a significant extent. 

However, whilst this is an issue of great import that we must combat, the media showering Colin Kaepernick  with excessive attention draws away from other issues of dire severity and immediate consequence that are currently happening around the globe, most of which the American government has played a key role in causing.  

We are very distractible creatures…be it chasing after Instagram/Facebook affirmation in the form of likes and shares or chasing after virtual beasts on Pok√©mon Go… and like jumped up stage magicians/psychics, the media takes advantage of this fact, feeding this need of ours…to be distracted (by making the fact that a single celebrated athlete sat during the national anthem one of the most controversial and talked about topics), some even going as far as to delude themselves that the very magic they fake is real. As a disclaimer I must say I speak of the misled majority.


To end on a positive note though, as I mentioned in previous articles, flaws are something we have many of but we, as humans, must always look to right our wrongs and strive to be better.
That is what gets me up in the morning.   
That is what gives me hope.