Monday, September 8, 2014

Double O Desperation: Cloud Fall

Dear readers

Last week saw the fall from favour of the infamous cloud storage system.

caricature of the cloud interface

Some equally famous Celebrities have found themselves in an extremely awkward predicament as some sorry sexually frustrated
SOBs caught them with their pants down……………literally.
Big Bang Theory:Sheldon with no pants

 I’m slightly embarrassed to say that I too was subjected to this invasion of privacy as a..Ahem.. Slightly revealing photograph was released to a seedy part of the internet. 

But as internet amendment 34 states “If it exists…. Oh pardon me wrong amendment. I believe its amendment 43 that states “once it’s out on the internet, it’s out there forever”.

Illustration of rule 43 of the internet

Here’s a recapitulation of the pain we went through 

: /Root of the problem

Apple’s iPhones have an automatic backup system on default which connects your camera roll to your icloud.
This means that pictures new and old are automatically uploaded to and are backed up on the cloud even if they are deleted on your phone and are only erased if and when you do another back up.    

For people with hectic lifestyles (like celebrities) this is a hassle. Thus they are vulnerable to being shot down from cloud number 9. 

How were we hacked?

I’m not an expert on the subject but from what I understand there are two main manners in which this could have occurred.

A melding of megusta and pringles manA) Someone with personal information could’ve hacked in by answering security questions and such. Looking at you, cousin Julius Pringles.

B) Security hole which allowed Brute force cryptographic attacks to be launched to technically exhaust all username and password combinations till login.

Apple states that this security hole has been throughly patched up

Are the majority of us tech savvy? 


Is there a surge in horny hackers out there? 


a meme illustrating the many pickup lines of computer literate perverts

What can we do about it? 


Well I personally posted the leaked picture of me on my instagram just to spite those bastards.

But you could do the following to avoid your.... business…… being the business of others  

1. Employ the two step verification system.

- This is not a solution to the security holes but rather a barrier to brute force attacks. Although this doesn’t prevent hackers from identifying your username and password, it is the second step that is designed to stump them as it requests the user enter a verification code sent directly to their phone which hackers they don’t have access to.

2. Faking it

- Strictly not speaking of orgasms, another instance where faking it is beneficial is when answering your security questions. This will prevent someone from your direct social sphere hacking your account. 

Where were you born?

What’s your pet’s name?
Mum’s the word

What is the first name of the person you first kissed?
I think a lot of the hackers who want to hack me will share this answer. “Imaginary”

3) Keep calm……..

4) Prevention is better than scandal
-Just disable cloud syncing and delete previous photostreams by logging into your iCloud and deleting them.

To anyone who suffers from the same plight as I, I say to you the past is the past

There are much bigger problems than one's boobs being blazoned online
 Have no ragrets 

 Coz Yolo

You don’t need clothes to look Swag 

Tell the haters to “MYOB”

and FFS Don’t feed the gremlins

Flasher Gremlin

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